Read time: 4 minutes.

Hey! I’m Bastienne, a total NOT psychologist. This is purely anecdotal, armchair psychology coming from a grown lady who regularly and enthusiastically makes fart sounds with her mouth as a form of self entertainment. So, yeah, take it all with a grain of salt but hopefully my thoughts bring you some deeper understanding about the very polarizing practice of ballbusting.

So…

Ballbusting is one of my main specialties, it’s the kink that made me popular on Clips4Sale when I opened my studio in 2019. My lifestyle partner has giant, punchable balls, a crazy high pain tolerance and a love for ballbusting that rivals my own. As a couple, we discovered that we’re a pretty rare combo and, let’s just say, the internet approved! My clips were very popular and I also gained popularity on Twitter for similar reasons, promoting my hardcore clips and being all cocky and such about it.

Fellow Dommes and subs alike would continuously give me the sweet, sweet internet approval that I wanted. I was intimidating, hardcore and truly getting high off my own supply. Slowly, over time though, I noticed these little comments that would trickle in, here and there. People would say things like, “It’s great that you stick to your lane, which is strictly CBT” or my booking forms would be flooded with comments like, “I’d love to see you but I don’t like ballbusting.” The straw that broke the camel's back is when one of my best friends in domination said, “People are crazy for thinking they can have a session with you if they’re not even into ballbusting!”

Oi vey!

Ballbusting has been and always will be one of many kinks that I offer. I do not and never have insisted that anyone be into ballbusting or any other kink in order to see me. I’ve always had a list of kinks available on my website. The fact that friends, people who know me personally and the mechanics of my job, thought I only offered ballbusting showed me that I was doing something woefully wrong.

And this, ladies and gentlemen, is the polarizing effect of ballbusting! It’s so viscerally overwhelming that my affinity for it cannibalized my other kinks for a period of time there. While my clips were selling like hot cakes, my in-person bookings were taking a hit. It was praise, praise, praise on Twitter and a chorus of crickets in my empty, little calendar.

So how does this relate to the psychology of ballbusting? Well, screens. Screens were the only thing dividing the fantasy of me from the reality. How could I be so revered in one way and totally avoided in another? There was a clear disconnect and it quickly became clear what it was: Fear. You’re safe behind a screen. Watching someone else get kicked in the nuts elicits an empathetic, exciting response from the safety of home. Now stepping into that position and becoming the real life ballbustee is something entirely different and most opt for the safer, voyeuristic version that is available by just watching a clip.

Now, the juvenile, little, edgelord inside of me still sort of beams at this thought. I’m a sadist afterall, it is fun to have that power over people but me and my ego aside, this whole clips versus real sessions disparity is the perfect example of how ballbusting is mostly psychological. How crazy is that? One of the most physically arduous kinks is also one of the most psychological - and most popular. The physicality is merely the means to an end, the end being psychological submission. Oh kink and BDSM, I just love ya!

So let’s get into the thinky behind the kinky. 

Most guys who are into ballbusting don’t understand why they’re into it which is comical in and of itself but, you guys know, I can’t be over here having questions go unanswered! After I would finish laughing at these silly boys, me and my nosy little brain would be like - hey wait! Why are all these guys into this? Why do they not even know why?

Here’s my theory: They are seeking either adrenaline or vulnerability. Seeking adrenaline or a thrill is pretty straight forward, I mean, yes, a swift kick to the nuts will get you there pretty quick. A guy seeking vulnerability is often subconsciously playing within the strength and weakness dynamics between men and women. The stereotype being that men are stronger than women, except for their pesky, little balls! By having a woman exploit this weakness, the man is suddenly rendered vulnerable, perhaps even submissive and the next thing you know, the woman seizes control and - voila! - you’ve found yourself in a FemDom fantasy!

This is the formula for all power exchange fantasies but the context and reasoning behind it is always different from kink to kink and person to person. Here’s a great article about the ballbusting phenomenon by Elle Silver. I was lucky enough to be interviewed by her and featured in this great write-up she did about ballbusting. She found me on Twitter and described my ball torturing methods as the most unique of what she had seen in her research. A compliment I always strive for!

In her research, she spoke with Pro Dominatrices who specialize in ballbusting and with men who enjoy being ballbusted. Their feedback coalesced with my theory that the actual pain or physicality wasn’t the main attraction, it was the desire to have power taken away from them forcefully by a woman that was appealing. The fear of the ball pain created a power dynamic rooted in reality (as opposed to roleplay) which instantly gives the bottom access to a feeling of “real” submission or subspace. Basically: Anticipation is half the fun, or in this case, 90% of it.

Then there’s the ‘lifers’ versus the newbies thing that happens in all kinks / fetishes. So some people, particularly men, will sometimes have a defining experience during puberty that becomes permanently entangled with their sexuality. For some it’s the first sight of pantyhose, for others it’s the splashing of slime over an attractive lady on a gameshow or perhaps, a humiliating kick to the nuts by your crush at school. I consider these people to be ‘lifers’ while some would consider them to be fetishists. While the rest of us float around and in and out of kinks, lifers are holding down the fort in their respective kink castles for all of us.

Whether you’re a lifer or you’ve found yourself interested in ballbusting later on in your sexuality - Welcome! It’s an incredibly common interest! Go look at the number of views on my different YouTube videos. The ballbusting videos have ten times the views of most of the other kinks on there. It’s simultaneously one of the most fantasized about kinks within FemDom and one of the least popular requests I get for in-person sessions…. Until now! 

I realized that I’ve always played safe, I’ve always honoured safe words and the limits of who I was playing with. The only thing that has changed is my ability to articulate that. I never expect anything extreme out of anyone, I always say, everything starts and ends at zero pain. It’s the edge of the pool that you’re always welcome to swim back to. Extremes are built up to and require a base of trust and safety to reach. Extremes are also… not for everyone! We’re not all olympians but that doesn’t mean we can’t have fun mucking around in the the pool in the meantime. Being present and having new, exciting experiences is the goal!

I’m no longer interested in flexing about how scary and extreme my play is. I’ve played with enough dead-eyed, distracted, supposedly impressive masochists to know that achieving extremes is for the birds. I’m all about being passionate, being in the moment and having actual fun.

These days, my greatest pride is gaining such a high level of trust with my subbies that they want to experiment with ballbusting simply because I love it. They fully trust that I won’t ever do anything outside of what they are comfortable with. The phrase “I never thought I’d let anyone to that to me!” is like music to my little, pervy ears nowadays!

Well, I hope that explains some of the psychology behind this very popular kink and gives you a little understanding and relief about your (surprisingly) not-so-strange predilections! Now come get your balls smooshed by me! ;)

xo Bastienne