Orgasm Management

Read time: 6 minutes. 

In sessions, I’m often most interested in subjecting my subbies to sensations that I dislike having done to myself. The two seem to be inversely connected. My feelings about being tied up, tickled, slimed, controlled or deprived of pleasure, range anywhere from tepid apathy to full blown disdain. Generally, the more I dislike it, the more I’ll enjoy doing it to someone else. Welcome to sadism, I suppose.

Tickling is a great example. I despise being tickled because I’m SUPER ticklish and it makes me totally panic. I hate that something so simple can make me lose control and it’s so hard to communicate that you don’t like it when you’re hysterically laughing, against your will.

It also happens to bring me immense excitement to look down at a properly bound, vulnerable body in front of me and know that just the wiggle of my fingers over their bound body is enough to send this poor soul into a whole, new world of suffering, a particular type of suffering I’m familiar with and totally safe from.

I’m sure it’s been said many times before but, sadism feels like a fucked up version of empathy, oddly enough. I can feel what you’re feeling, but instead of it evoking sympathy, it evokes joy, at least according to my pussy who generally runs the show around these parts.

When I was first introduced to “edging” a few years ago, it was a request from a regular subby. At the time, I just assumed it was just a thinly veiled excuse for him to get a long handjob and, while I’m not necessarily perplexed by that request in itself, it just struck me as a bit boring. Sorry, I’m all full up on vanilla experiences, you know? I’m here looking for weird kinks and power exchanges so the thought of diddling someone for 2 hours straight just didn't seem interesting. “What’s in it for me?” I asked him and this subby kept fawning over the idea, insisting that it was, in fact, torturous and so I finally obliged. He promised that it would be a power exchange and he did not disappoint. 

I remember his cries of misery when I would suddenly and randomly stop touching him. I remember dirty talking his dick into a rock solid erection dripping with cum, teasing him with the feeling of my body, only to smile down at him just as I ceased all contact, watching him thrust into the air, begging and pleading for relief. Placing my hand over his mouth, almost 2 hours in, laughing to myself as I watched regret flicker in his eyes. As a person with a ridiculously high sex drive, I could NEVER endure that torture. I would never want someone else to control my orgasms, my precious, precious orgasms! I would never want one cut off mid stream and, I guess, that’s exactly why I love orgasm control so much.

The pleasure is not of real interest to me, it’s the power that I have to control it. The power to push and pull, to amp it up, to break it down, to ruin everything if I choose. There is a huge, well of submission to be explored here, particularly in post orgasm torture. It’s genuinely so hard to hand your whole physiology over to someone else and truly go on whatever ride they choose for you. 

To not tap out at any point, to just feel the drops when they come and enjoy the pleasure for the few moments you get them. For me, the power exchange is what illuminates the whole experience for me.

I’ve recently removed ‘Tease & Denial’ from my kink list because, like the little contrarian I am, I can’t tease on command. Teasing, for me, comes naturally when I am given control. Most control will do just fine but pain is particularly lovely. Emotional or physical will do, it makes my pussy wet to just hold the weapon and feel that subbie’s vulnerability. 

For most men, in particular, masturbating is a way of life, it’s an art form that they practice every day. I love snatching that paintbrush away, smacking their canvas off the easel and starting my own piece of art in its place. You’ve had your fun, now it’s my turn.

So let’s talk about the different ways that orgasms can be managed and how those intersect with my kinks!

CHASTITY, THE HONOUR METHOD AND DENIAL

Orgasm control is the foundation on which most play is built whether we are aware of it or not. Think about when you are the least horny. It’s in the moments right after an orgasm, right? If you’re swimming in the sobering light of post nut-clarity, kink is the last thing on your mind, for most people. This may differ for multi-orgasmic people though so, results will vary. Getting to know your refractory period is essential.

The use of chastity devices is heavily fetishized by many but impractical for most. The majority of people (mostly men) I’ve played with aren’t interested in or able to pursue chastity outside of our session time and that’s totally fine. Chastity devices are finicky, distracting and cumbersome. The whole process of finding and wearing one requires patience and discipline. Here’s my video about chastity that I posted as a part of my “The Last Bastienne Podcast” on YouTube.

Having said all that, I generally prefer the honour method. I simply ask people to abstain from orgasms for as long as they can before I play with them. This eliminates the tedious task of finding a chastity device that fits and works for you. That pursuit alone can take months and hundreds of dollars to accomplish because of sizing issues and shipping times. For me, the honour method is the best of both worlds. It’s free but still requires some discipline and you end up with a very horny person at the end of it.

Then there’s orgasm denial. Where chastity is something you practice at all times, inside and outside of play time, orgasm denial is practiced exclusively by a play partner during a scene. Obviously, I love denial and it is often used as motivation to push through whatever else is being explored. If you do _____ in ______ amount of time then we can continue stimulation and maybe you’ll earn yourself an orgasm. It’s basically the main control mechanism in BDSM, from my perspective.

A quick side note about two separate issues; whining and erectile dysfunction. It wouldn’t be a post about chastity without mentioning the issue of increasing neediness that almost always occurs in an orgasm-less person. They often become desperate, distracted and emotional, it’s par for the course, just so you know. As this process goes along, some people even experience a cessation of sexual desire and I must say, inadvertently creating a eunuch is always a wholesome, good time. 

Also, men who experience erectile dysfunction can benefit from chastity training because it takes the focus entirely away from their weiner performance so they can concentrate completely on all the play that doesn’t center around their erection. It’s a beautiful thing. 

Here’s a post on my substack called “I Put the FUN in Erectile DysFUNction” for more about that subject. There is audio and a write up and it is behind a $7 paywall but it’s totally worth it.

RUINED RELEASES AND ORGASM TORTURE

Now, if you’ve mastered chastity and denial and want to get more sadistic, you can start interrupting an orgasm mid-way through. As the top, nothing brings me more pleasure than ruining yours. Introducing this play adds a whole new tension to the scene. Every moment must be thoroughly enjoyed because the recipient has no idea when it is going to abruptly end. I absolutely love it.

Then there’s orgasm torture, emphasis on the torture. Reading the definition excites so many hapless subbies: Multiple orgasms forced out, one after the next over a long period of time. Picture a (usually) man strapped down, in total post-nut-clarity as he looks up at me with his cum soaked, quickly shriveling cock as I simply mouth the word, “again”. You’ll never see a more miserable creature and it always puts a solid pep in my step. Here’s a clip of me forcing five orgasms out of my partner in 30 minutes. He’s a sweating, shaking, miserable mess by the end, it’s so damn delightful. 

While ruined orgasms can sometimes assist in the momentum of a scene by conserving some of the sexual energy, orgasm torture entirely robs the person of their reason for being there. That’s why orgasm torture is something very few men can endure. Some women are multi-orgasmic so I’ve had more success with them in scenes. 

POST ORGASM TORTURE

Of course, I’ve saved my favourite for last. Again, this one is very difficult for most people and that’s why I love it. Post orgasm torture is basically just the continuation of stimulation after orgasm. It could also be the continuation of some other form of play after release like ballbusting, pegging or nipple play for example. The stark turn from euphoria into anguish is a peak experience for me. I love just simply continuing the exact same stimulation that made the person orgasm while smiling into their cute, little face. Watching pure lust dissolve into suffering is just so beautiful. 

There’s also a new level of submission that is only available in this headspace. You’ve been rudely slammed from one end of the horny spectrum directly into the opposing one. How does this change your servitude? How does this affect your submission? There are very few people who can maintain the same level of submission throughout that journey. It’s certainly not for the vanilla-of-heart but it provides a fun benchmark to work from.

That’s it! Everything I know about orgasm management. If you liked this post, you should check out my substack newsletter as well. I’ve got tons of kinky-thinky on there that you might enjoy too!