BDSM for Women
Read time: 7 minutes.
A point of pride over the last few years has been my growing base of female clients. As a woman who came out as a lesbian in high school, it actually took me a few years to discover my attraction to men. My first experiences of sexuality were entirely gay for many years.
As time has gone on, I find myself solidly in the pansexual category, being attracted to every manifestation of gender whether that be female, male, trans, queer, non-binary or other wise. I’m on Team Fun - basically, just be cool and bring whatever genitals you’ve got.
So now that I have gained some experience and earned a name for myself in the Pro Domme space, I’m absolutely delighted to pivot my energy towards my good, ol’ gay roots!
SAFETY & SKILL
This is a universal prerequisite for most people in BDSM who are seeking play partners but, particularly women seek safety while exploring their submission. Some of the women I play with don’t even identify as lesbian or bisexual, they simply feel safer playing with a woman.
When I offer one-on-one sessions, I always play safe and cater the scene to each person. Goals and limits are discussed beforehand and safe words are always used and honoured.
I not only offer 8 years of BDSM hard skills, I might dare say that I specialize in soft skills. Meaning I’m a naturally welcoming, down-to-earth person and I love to make people laugh, and feel good about themselves. Yes, I know that’s a weird thing to brag about as a Dominatrix but it’s very handy in making people feel safe and helping them feel relaxed so that everyone can have a good time!
The SYBIAN & The FUCKING MACHINE
The moment I saw this ride on sex toy for women, I was click-click-clicking it into the online cart and into my studio. I’m not usually a person who invests in expensive BDSM equipment or toys so I was a little surprised at how quickly I knew I wanted this for my studio.
I realized that most Pro Dommes (myself included) naturally cater to men as they are the bread and butter of our clientele. Often women and trans people are a tack-on service and most of the marketing is simply not directed towards them. My swift purchasing of this toy revealed to me the deep desire I have to switch that up.
This is one of my favourite aspects of being a Domme and working within sexuality, there’s always new routes to explore, new doors opening and this is my very exciting, new direction! The Sybian (well, The Tremor, a comparable knock-off) and the Fucking Machine are my love letter to the submissive vaginas of Toronto, I suppose, a beacon of lesbian horniness.
Both the Sybian and the fucking machine are absolute fan favourites for my lady subs. Not everyone loves both but everyone loves one of them and isn’t that the fun part? Finding out what works? Even if we have to tie you down to find out? ;)
MOMMY & DADDY DOM ROLEPLAY
Within BDSM, submissives (or bottoms) are often seeking something different than what they may seek from a partner in vanilla world. Meaning, I actually see many straight identified women who would prefer to see a male Dom but don’t feel safe doing so.
That’s why I’m so excited to offer safe duos with two, very different male Doms. They are both hand picked by me, mentored by me and share many of my values. Safe, accessible, fun-focused and relaxed, these duos are much like my one-on-one sessions.
These duos check every box: The warm, comforting atmosphere that my studio has to offer, the safety of my presence and oversight along with that male sexual energy that so many people crave.
ROPE BONDAGE
I won’t claim that rope bondage is a specialty of mine because it certainly isn’t but, that’s what friends are for, right? I work with a female and a male rope top who can tie you up while I keep myself busy with other parts of your body!
Rope bondage is a common interest for many women and requires a bit more patience than other forms of bondage from both the Top and the bottom. It’s a great way to slowly sink into subspace before play begins.
ORGASM TORTURE & SENSORY DEPRIVATION
These are by far the two most requested kinks I have received from women. Well, my fellow lesbos need me! Let’s bust out the cuffs and all the things that vibrate and get started!
I love playing with women (and every body) because what works for each person is always different and it’s always a kinky, little mystery. I love the combination of physicality and psychology that takes place in sexual fantasy and the process of figuring this out using the addition and subtraction of sensations.
CUCKQUEAN & CUCKCAKE
Well, this kink is certainly near and dear to my heart! This is one of the few submissive kinks that I experience and I LOVE offering this niche service to my female subbies.
At this point, we’re all familiar (some more intimately) with the term ‘cuck’ or ‘cuckold’. It’s a sexual kink where a man likes to be sexually humiliated by their female partner who cheats on them with stronger, more attractive and well endowed men.
Well, have you ever heard of the term ‘cuckquean’? It’s the female equivalent and it’s popularity is slowly on the rise. A cuckquean is a woman who eroticizes the idea of her (usually) male partner cheating on her with a more sexually dominant or appealing woman, the ‘cuckcake’. It’s often an eroticization of jealousy and sexual inadequacy within a relationship using power dynamics.
Each woman manifests this kink differently and I’m so down to play out each dynamic as your loving, little cuckcake! Here’s a podcast episode on Spotify I did all about this kink or listen below.
LESBIAN DUO SCENES
Oh, one Dominatrix isn’t gay enough for you? Okay, how about 2? Double your spankings, double your fun! I work with one of Toronto’s most skilled and creative Pro Dommes, Aspasia The Great. She is a lifestyle and Pro Domme with almost 20 years of experience in BDSM. She is an enthusiastic and active member of many of the other strange and wonderful communities of Toronto as well.
Creative, smart, conscientious and ever curious, Aspasia The Great was one of my FemDom idols when I first started and now it’s my pleasure to fuck people up alongside her - safely and with kinky love, of course.
IMPACT PLAY & SPANKING
It’s no secret that women generally have a higher pain tolerance than men and anecdotally, I can confirm. Spanking, and any type of pain play, is best approached slowly and methodically. I always encourage people to use their safeword liberally, especially when trying something new.
Impact play and spanking are best combined with pleasure and I can proudly say, I’ve unlocked this new kink within many of the women I’ve seen. Don’t knock (or spank) it til you’ve tried it. Plus experimenting with bound spanking is a great way to build trust and chemistry with me, as your Domme / top.
FORCED / COERCED BISEXUALITY
This kink is remarkably popular among men and it is basically a fantasy that involves being coerced into performing sexual acts with / on someone of a gender that you are not typically attracted to. This could be a lesbian woman being directed to suck a dick, a straight man told to do the same or even a straight woman being coerced into lesbian acts by a gay, female Domme.
Clearly, the last dynamic is of particular interest to me and I've had the pleasure of playing out this fantasy with a few kinky ladies. This could include any combination of the following: verbal teasing, bondage, strap on, facesitting, foot worship and whatever else your kinky imagination can come up with.
PLAYING WITH COUPLES & DATE NIGHTs
I absolutely love this idea and I adore hosting kinky date night for couples! I’ve seen couples who’ve been married for 20+ years, I’ve had a few people bring in people that they are dating or want to get to know better, I’ve even had a few, brave souls visit me for their first date! Here’s more about this in a blog post I wrote called “Playing with Couples”.
EDUCATION AND MEET & GREETS
If you’re not necessarily looking for a play session, I also offer reduced rates for education / meet & greet sessions on my booking page here. This is a great, low pressure way of getting to know me, seeing my studio space and asking whatever questions you have without any pressure to perform in any way.
This is a great option for people looking to gain FemDom skills, learning to safely top or bottom and any other kinky, power dynamic goals you may have. Some people visit on their own and some bring a partner along. I’m an open book and love sharing my knowledge with fellow curious explorers, it’s truly a create your own kink-venture!
AFTERCARE
Like any self respecting lesbian, I have 40 million plants and a cute, little dog for you to pet (if you’re interested). My aftercare (and my pre-care) are all about being myself, helping you to be yourself, being relaxed and creating a welcoming vibe
I might just be the least theatrical Domme you’ll ever meet. I wear clothes that make me feel comfortable and fun, I offer the kinks I love, I make fun of myself and I have a blast while doing it. My work is a safe space for me to open up and truly be myself with the hope that I can lead by example and each person I see can feel comfortable doing the same.
When I think about my role in professional BDSM, I don’t see myself as a strict leader, I see myself as a guide, a person who shares, a friendly face to explore with, a welcoming force of stability and safety who brings actual excitement to each scene. The line between who I am in my normal life and who I am as a Dominatrix at work just gets fuzzier and fuzzier the longer I do this job and the more comfortable I become in my own skin.
Relational and connection based BDSM is truly my passion.
Ultimately, I’m a naturally open person and I delight in letting people get to know me and in turn, learning about them. As cheesy as it is to say, each person is truly different and that’s what keeps me fascinated with my job year after year.
This is one of my favourite reviews, written by a female client of mine:
“A session with Bastienne is like enjoying a visit with your most intimate of friends. She holds a space of comfort and acceptance while simultaneously enticing you and taking you to places that are far from comfortable but oh so pleasurable :) as someone new to the BDSM community, I appreciate the first part of what Bastienne gave me, because it is what allowed me to give in to the latter. I am so excited to continue on this journey and for Bastienne to be the one to lead me.”
- Rosie, client since 2021
When I searched for that quote on my review page using the keyword ‘friend’, I was proud to see that word came up in 3 different reviews. That might sum up my style more than anything else I could possibly say about my approach.
So, there you go! There’s my gay pitch! Come visit soon :) bastienne.ca/booking
