Read time: 8 minutes.

Yep, I’m on freaking OnlyFans… Finally! After much shit-talking, poo-pooing, excuse making, vacillation and the like. Well, now I’m officially the last woman on earth to join OF and I’m (surprisingly) LOVING IT!

WHAT I’M OFFERING

Custom Clips

Not stupid, fetish-y ones though. I’m taking my picky, high standards and applying them to clip requests. Just like IRL, I gravitate to intelligent, respectful, fun people with interesting and exciting ideas, people who genuinely want to give me control and want me to be excited about what I’m doing.

For years, I avoided OnlyFans and sites like it because people who request custom clips are notorious for being control freaks with very specific requests, a penchant for ingratitude and little to no real social skills.

I realized I can simply say no to those folks and stay open to the people who want to actually collaborate with me. Let’s create a kinky, little fantasy world together!

Audio clips

So far, I’ve been shocked and delighted to have received almost exclusively audio requests! After years of honing my rambling skills on my podcasts, The Last Bastienne Podcast on YouTube and over 100 hours of audio on The Trust & Thrust Podcast, I’m LOVING the audio requests coming through on OnlyFans. I’ve answered questions about safety, given BDSM relationship advice, improvised some erotica and dished the details on real life experiences I’ve had. It’s very fun and I’m so excited to see what other ideas people have for me.

Nudes and more vanilla leaning stuff.

As an exhibitionist, I’ve found myself in a hilarious position in FemDom - no one wants to see my bits. The majority of people who are attracted to me aren’t interested in nudity, they are seeking power exchange. It’s oddly wholesome but I’m still over here trying to show people my pussy lips as they politely nod and sheepishly ask me to squish their nuts. It’s a funny conundrum to be in.

I should note, the people who do want to see my bathing suit areas are generally more vanilla leaning (aka not submissive) and tend to be incompatible with my vibe. Being directed is an immediate turn off for me, I always want to feel in control and that I’m working with people not for them. Offering more salacious, vanilla leaning content from a distance on a platform like OnlyFans is the perfect happy medium for me!

The criteria for who can enjoy my explicit pictures and videos online is much lower than doing the same in person. I started in this industry selling panties with videos of me playing in them so all of this is very familiar, fun and it’s a genuine kink of mine. Getting to scratch that itch without the vetting, vibe checks and compatibility-hoop-jumping of IRL interactions is easy and ….hot.

Cock Mockery

There is nothing funnier looking than a set of cock and balls - maybe that’s why I’m so inclined to slap them around! Every man seems to have an entirely juvenile fixation on their junk. Nothing thrills me more than providing the balancing force that these gentleman need - some good ol’ fashioned, mockery and humiliation. Mommy will take you down a notch and you’ll like it. Whether that be small penis humiliation or just general dismission, shaming and chiding, I’ve got just what you need ;)

Chatting & Pay Per View Content

I very rarely read comments or interact with people online outside of my IRL submissives. If I want something to disappear, I simply starve it of attention and I would love nothing more than to eliminate time wasters from the face of the earth. By paying per message on OnlyFans, I know the person I’m talking to understands the value of my time and energy. It’s a fully symbiotic experience. This is a way to chat with me about specific kinks, general questions or sexting while I’m being compensated for my time and incentivized to participate.

An NSFW Social Media Alternative

Social media sucks (in general) but particularly for providers. On platforms like YouTube, Instagram, TikTok and Facebook, it’s a damn witch hunt for sex workers. Double standards, undue process, unclear rules, trolls, time wasters, shadowbans and the threat of being de-platformed are a constant. I’ve become quite the skilled eggshell walker because of this, posting mostly pictures of innocuous objects like my plants, some colourful rope or an occasional selfie if I’m feeling wild.

Then there’s Twitter, the Wild West of social media. It’s great for allowing nudity and porn but still, I always have this feeling that I’m wasting my time on there. It’s a lot of people looking for free content and attention who have zero intention of ever paying for anything. I generally just promote my clips by using a scheduling app so I can spend as little time on there as possible.

Reddit is a cesspool of trolls. Never again. Mine is still up, you can go see for yourself.

Substack has been my favourite ‘social media’ over the last few years. It’s meant for journalists so in order to adhere to their vibe, I don’t post salacious pictures, it’s mostly audio and newsletter style updates about advice, BDSM lifestyle and FemDom theory. It’s personal and humanizing and helps me showcase my intelligence, passion and true love of my work. I love it - but it’s definitely missing the element of … horny times.

This is where OnlyFans comes in! I can keep everyone updated on my kinky, real life adventures with the option to go deeper if you want without fear of being de-platformed. I can post publicly and privately, adding a paywall to certain things and getting quality interactions with paying clients. It’s almost like it was specifically made for sex workers or something … duh. I feel silly for not joining earlier.

HOW IT WORKS

It’s free to subscribe, then you can buy (or unlock) the content that you’re interested in. The monthly subscription model that people associate with the OnlyFans platform doesn’t work for me because my interests are so varied. With the free subscription model that I’m using, you can still see all the free content I post and then you can opt in to additional pictures, clips, gifs and audio for kinks that you’re interested in. Content will be clearly marked so you know what you’re paying for.

WHY I FINALLY JOINED

So, if you’ve made it all the way down here, you might be a super nerd and if you’re a super nerd, you might know that I, traditionally, despise online interactions whether it be comments, social media, emails or texts. I’m a dedicated “let’s talk in person” person, in both my personal and professional life. I provide a lot of content but almost no interaction.

Besides a brief stint on SextPanther in 2020, I’ve never offered much in the way of interactive, online services. I’ve found (and maybe you’ve noticed this too) that most providers seem to be generally divided into two categories; those who prefer in-person play and those who prefer online play. Well, it’s safe to say that I’ve been solidly in the former category for almost a decade now.

The thing is, there’s a phenomenon that takes place online that’s akin to road rage. People have terrible, online social skills and behave in ways that I’ve rarely seen people act in real life. In person, I have full confidence in my ability to read people and control the situation but lots of folks who spend tons of time online are more likely to misbehave because there are fewer social consequences. Plus the risk of miscommunication sky rockets when you can’t see a person’s facial expressions and body language so I’ve spent years shuffling my energy eggs away from screen time and into the ‘real life’ basket.

So what changed? Well, burn out - that’s what. Sexy, right?

One of the biggest sources of energy consumption in my job is staying fresh, excited and present. I would say that the bulk of the work I’m doing on my end is simply ensuring that I stay pumped about my job and since I’m not Daniel Day Lewis (yet) - I can’t fake it, I’ve got to bring real excitement to the table.

This work is heavily relational which means constantly being aware of what I’m into, what I’m excited about, what’s working for me and what’s not. Therefore it also involves taking lots of time off, limiting activities that negatively affect my mood, being selective with the scenes I accept and having great energy management for both myself and others.

Basically, it’s my job to be excited about my job.

Once the initial novelty of this position wore off years ago, the fuel or motivation (at least for me) converted from ravenous thrill seeking to a slower pursuit of connection, vulnerability and mastery of my craft. No, you’re not the first person I’ve finger banged in the butthole, but you’re the first you I’ve finger banged in the butthole so concentrating on the present and empathetically experiencing your novelty is an important part of my experience. It’s work that is equal parts: deeply fulfilling and deeply draining - particularly for an introvert such as myself.

I’m not one to back down from a challenge though and part of what I love about my job is that it changes and grows as I do. There is no way to just “clock in” and it keeps me perpetually accountable to myself and to my submissives. You don’t need to know anything about BDSM to know when someone is not enjoying themselves so my job is to …love my job, basically. I’ve been twisting and turning the knobs (pun intended) finding a balance between excitement and professionalism for the last decade. It’s a constant practice and I love the pursuit.

So after a recent discussion with a friend, I realized that there is no way to minimize the energy output of in-person scenes without depreciating the quality of them. You can actually listen to that discussion on this episode of The Trust and Thrust podcast available on substack for $7/month.

BDSM scenes are inherently energy consuming, albeit in a good way, but as my own energy accountant, I’ve got to keep count of the beans over here. Years ago, I chose quality over quantity when it pertains to my BDSM practices so I’ve become more and more selective with who I share my time with and in this pursuit of deep, meaningful, unique experiences, I’ve dipped too far into this over simplistic mentality of real world = good, online = bad.

I slowly created a bias against online interactions that has often left me burnt out. Well, if you read this blog regularly or listen to my podcast, you know that I love a good, old fuck up. That’s why we’re all here, right? It’s not to be perfect and know everything, it’s to learn and explore in safety. Nothing that a healthy check in, some self reflection and the ability to pivot can’t solve and this is why I love my job. All pursuits in kink seem to share this structure. Try your best, pay attention, stay open minded and find solutions you’re excited about.

This role always transforms right before my eyes and this is the umpteenth time I’ve found myself full circle, back at something I could never imagine being into previously. Whether it be a kink, an approach, a perspective or the shunning of online interactions. Never say never.

Starting this OnlyFans is part of this perpetual balancing act that I’m always doing. It’s the balance between the sterility of consuming my online content and in the intensity of participating in a real scene. It’s a way of turning my online monologue into a discussion in a way that is fair and healthy for me and one that I’m actually excited about.

OnlyFans offers me a huge modicum of control and you know how much I love my spicy control! I’m having fun sorting through my folders and folders of content, crafting and creating fantasies, sharing my real kinks and experiences with people who are interested in actually supporting my endeavours. It’s using all the skills I know from my IRL experiences with less of the intensity. It’s exactly what I need right now and I’m very excited about it.

The last thing I’ll say here - besides that you should go subscribe - is that this is just yet another example of why I love the basic tenements of BDSM. It requires constant consent, check ins, self awareness, boundary checks and the ability to be flexible and problem solve. This is a great example of something that seemed like a solid, immovable boundary to me, something that was firmly negative turning out to be the missing piece, it’s exactly what I needed to tip the scales back into balance.

As we get older, our boundaries and preferences naturally calcify, we get to know ourselves and become more rigid. It’s useful in some ways and a hindrance in others. This is an example of changing a boundary after almost a decade of having it there. It’s an example of how amazing BDSM is as a tool of self exploration. Stay open, be honest with yourself, seek out solutions and … go diddle yourself to my OnlyFans content ;)